Do you feel your sense of self-worth shifting on a day-to-day basis?
Maybe you are experiencing a bout of high self-esteem after having won a gold medal while playing your favourite sport.
But shortly after this, you may experience a drop in your feelings of self-worth after checking your social media feed and seeing images of people you deem better than you.
These changes in self-worth are human. They happen to each and every one of us, including multiple times a day for some of us.
But if you are feeling like you are constantly feeling low about yourself and this is impacting your functioning, you may wish to seek support from a self-esteem therapist.
Read on to discover more about self-esteem, what causes low self-esteem, and the strategies you can use to improve it.
What is self-esteem?
Before we get to the ways in which you can cope with self-esteem issues, it may help if we define self-esteem.
Self-esteem exists on a spectrum and is the degree to which you view yourself in a positive way. It relates to how you view yourself and your accomplishments.
Self-esteem often changes throughout the day and when we compare ourselves to other people.
It also changes throughout your lifespan. As you transition from childhood to adulthood, if you experience trauma, this may impact your sense of self.
When you have developed a healthy sense of yourself, you view yourself in a positive light and have a positive outlook on your future.
You should be able to name some of your positive qualities.
But you don’t make self-esteem the sole area of focus in your life.
In other words, you don’t over inflate your accomplishments and become arrogant.
On the opposite side of the spectrum is low self-esteem. You view yourself in a negative light, you criticize your every move, and you view the world and your future in shades of gray.
In this situation, constantly allowing your inner critic to take over can impact your relationships, career life, and overall well-being.
You may not believe that you can overcome challenges, and you may please people to the point of putting others' needs above your own.
What are the components of self-esteem?
Your self-esteem consists of 4 components that all come together to make up the way you feel about yourself.
These components include:
Self-confidence: the sense of security in who you are as a person
Sense of identity: the knowledge you have about yourself. Being confident about your sexuality, gender, culture, body image, and other aspects of your identity could support you in knowing what you need and, in turn, improving your self-worth.
Sense of belonging: the degree to which you feel like you fit in.
Feeling confident in your abilities and ability to navigate changes.
When any of these components is shifted towards the negative end of the spectrum, it can impact your self-esteem and cause you to feel low about yourself.
Why is self-esteem important?
Self-esteem is an important component in all of your lives.
The way you feel about yourself can ultimately impact your relationships and the risks you take and engage in.
If you don’t believe in yourself, you are less likely to go after what you need, which can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction.
Therefore, maintaining healthy self-esteem is important for maintaining your overall well-being.
What can cause low self-esteem?
You likely started hearing about the term self-esteem at a young age.
It develops with you as you develop. Your parents, siblings, teachers, and mentors can all impact your self-esteem, whether for better or worse.
This concept of self-esteem can even be impacted by the media when we compare ourselves to what others look like and share on these platforms.
If you have developed a low sense of worth, it could be for a number of reasons.
These include:
Having to live up to unrealistic expectations set by elders
Abuse
Serious illness
Grief
Being more prone to negative thinking as a result of your personality
Difficult life events, such as the loss of a job
Social standards
Setting unrealistic goals for yourself
How does low self-esteem affect us?
Your mental health and physical health can be impacted by low self-esteem.
If you are critical of yourself on a consistent basis, it can cause you to have challenges with moving past mistakes.
This can cause you to dwell on the past and have issues with moving forward and achieving your future goals.
You may avoid challenging and difficult situations and remain isolated in your comfort zone. This is likely to stunt your growth.
Low self-esteem can also contribute to anxiety and depression. Thinking negatively of yourself is bound to exacerbate the symptoms of these and other mental health issues.
Further impacts of low self-esteem can be noticed with:
Low motivation
Isolation
Feeling insecure
Difficulty making decisions
Negative body image
As a way of coping with low self-esteem, you may also develop negative coping tactics, such as smoking, drinking, or binge eating.
Tactics to Improve Self-Esteem
Your approach to improving your self-esteem may be unique to you. There isn’t a universal way of dealing with it.
It could involve a combination of therapy and lifestyle changes. Therapy can take place virtually or in person.
A Self-esteem Therapist
A self-esteem therapist at Bee Kind Counseling will use a variety of therapy modalities to support you in improving your self-esteem.
One of the main therapy modalities used is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
CBT focuses on challenging your negative thoughts that often lead to negative feelings and behaviors.
You will work with your therapist to develop healthier beliefs about yourself. Self-criticism will be replaced by self-compassion.
Your initial therapy consultation will go over what modalities and methods may be used to fit your goals in the future.
The therapist may also support you in managing symptoms of other frequently concurrent conditions, including attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or depression.
Other Ways to Challenge Self-esteem
There are a number of ways you can work to personally improve your self-esteem. After all, work needs to happen outside of a therapy room.
Some lifestyle changes include:
Focusing on your strengths: we all have something or things we are great at and other areas where we need improvement. When we recognize this and choose to focus on our strengths. You can take part in activities you are good at after you have completed a task that was difficult. This may help to counter the negative patterns that may arise after the negative situation.
Recognize your triggers: you will have situations that may impact your self-esteem more so than others. These situations can include work, school, and relationships. By recognizing your triggers, you can work to discover ways to cope when these situations trigger you.
Become aware of your core negative beliefs: many of the core beliefs we have developed from what we were taught during childhood. Perhaps we were taught that we didn’t try hard enough and have now developed the core belief, “I’m not good enough.” By recognizing these negative core beliefs, you can work towards counteracting them with more neutral thoughts. An example for this would be “I tried my best. I made mistakes, and I will learn from them.”
Be kind to yourself: self-esteem, developed by Dr. Kristin Neff, is the concept of treating yourself how you would treat a friend. During situations where you are noticing yourself jumping to negative thoughts, consider what you would say to a friend in this situation. Practice treating yourself with the same compassion.
Avoid comparison to others: recognize that we all have our flaws and we are all unique in our own way. Comparing yourself to other people usually will leave you feeling crampy. Instead, compare yourself to where you were in the past and focus on the positive progress you have made.
Strive for completion over perfection: one surefire way to reduce your self-esteem is to strive for perfection. This is an unrealistic expectation. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. By recognizing this and asking yourself what you learned from your mistake(s), rather than dwelling on them, you can work to improve the way you think of yourself.
Write out a list of things you love about yourself. Lift yourself up by supporting the positive in yourself.
Celebrate along the way: as you work toward improving your self-esteem, you may need encouragement along the way. This could be in the form of celebration for each positive improvement you make, no matter how small it is.
Focus on what you can control: sometimes focusing on what you can’t control could reduce your self-esteem. You feel fully reliable for what happened. Instead, focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t. Know that what you can’t control is not your fault.
Set boundaries: put yourself and your own needs first. When we learn to say no to those who try to put us down or place too much on our plate, or to societal expectations, we learn to take care of ourselves and uplift our self-esteem.
Surround yourself with positive people: positivity creates positivity. When you surround yourself with those who will uplift you and themselves, you start to develop a positive relationship with yourself.
Book a Free Consultation with Bee Kind Counselling
Are you feeling like you are never good enough? Do you feel like you can never do anything right?
Do these feelings of inadequacy hold you back from achieving your goals?
Bee Kind Counselling is well positioned to support you with their team of mental health professionals.
You can book a free 15-minute consultation with a Canadian self-esteem therapist by emailing admin@beekindcounselling.com, calling 519-757-7842 ext. 1, or booking through the website below.
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